To The "Good Guy" That I Pushed Away...

I've been single for most of my adult life. So, it's fair to say that I've had my fair share of - excuse my French - f*ckboys in my day. But every now and again, I come across a really sweet gentleman who is just the perfect guy. He says all the right things, does all the right things, calls me beautiful and says more than "wyd" when he texts me. Usually these type of men come around when I'm already in some screwed up situationship and they end up being friend zoned. But, there have been a few that come at just the right time - when I'm all the way available - and I do something to screw it up. 

To the sweet guys that I've pushed away: I'm sorry. 

I, honestly, have no idea why I do or even when it begins to happen. I know that I'm shallow and spoiled. I have insecurities that often reflect on others. I can be mean sometimes. I am flawed. I am damaged. I am human. 

I was told once that I am going to have to learn to love the right guy and that it's going to take effort to unlearn all the crap that I've learned over the years about loving the effed up people of the world. 

So, to the next nice guy that I meet: I pray that God gives you patience with me. I hope that you're able to kindly tell me when I'm being a brat and gently remind me when I'm letting my insecurities show. I want to learn to love you. I'm just a work in progress.