If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me "have you ever considered modeling?" or tagged me in a local plus size model search, I'd probably be rich. I've thought about it but I've never actually taken steps toward making it happen. Mostly because I've never really been comfortable with my body and with my style. But recently, I decided to take a step outside of the box and try something new.
Over the past two months, I've had three photoshoots and I've realized that I love it! It's so fun getting pretty and having your picture taken. It's much different than taking selfies on your smartphone or having your friend snap a picture before heading out for a night on the town. You feel beautiful and you feel important when someone with a huge professional camera and lighting steps in front of you to take your picture.
With all of that said, I've realized that modeling as a smaller, more fit woman and modeling at a size 24 and completely out of shape, is much different. Even stripping the fitness factor from the equation, modeling can be pretty strenuous on your body. You may need to wear high heels for a long period of time, you may need to contort your body in ways that you would never do in real life and you may have to sit on the floor for long periods of time in positions that are "pretty."
This is tough on someone whose body doesn't move like a "normal" persons. Doing things as simple as sitting on the floor in Indian-style are impossible for me. I don't have the ability to sit comfortably on anything with my knees up. My body isn't set up for these types of things. I have fat in places that get in the way and, quite honestly, it was sobering to know that I couldn't do even the simplest things.
When the photographer asked me to do things that were uncomfortable for me, I didn't have a problem saying that it wasn't a comfortable position, but it never feels good to say those things. It's just another way that my body limits me. So, as I move through this new hobby, I am trying really hard not to beat myself up about my weight. I am learning, however, to move my body in a way that honors its curves and its shape. I'm spending time studying how I can display my body in a way that makes it look as best as it can - as it is right now.
I'd rather spend time focusing on how to make modeling work with my fat body, as opposed to dwelling on what it can't do.
Until the next photoshoot...