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How's 2016 going so far?

I had to ask myself this question this morning. We are 7 days into this new year and I haven't lost 100 pounds, I don't have thousands of dollars saved up and I have not received a promotion at work. What the hell is going on?!  

No, but seriously, I had a moment of reflection this morning as I opened my notes app on my phone and jotted down another lesson that I've learned this year, so far. 2016 seems to be (already) a year of growth for me. Like, growing up growth. Like "put away childish things" growth. Hard to believe that, in some ways, I'm still living like a teenager! Trust me, not an easy pill to swallow - at all. But one that needed to be ingested and digested.  

At 28 years of age, there is no reason why my bank account should EVER be in the negative. Insufficient fund fees are so 2005. Financial responsibility isn't something that I should be prioritizing at this point in my life. It should already be a thing. But - it isn't. So now, as I run around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to make ends meet, I'm literally digging myself out of a hole in order to begin to save and pay bills on time. How ridiculous is that? 1st lesson learned. 

As a teenager, I remember dreading the moment when my mom would knock on (or bust in) my bedroom door. I remember thinking, "ugh, I swear I don't feel like hearing her fuss about cleaning my room." Over ten years later, and I still have this feeling when I think about my apartment. My mom has been to my spot maybe four times in the two years I've lived here. Yet, I still have these feelings when I think about my apartment. Why? Because I am still living like I'm 15 years old. 

Dont get me wrong, I'm not a nasty person. I just don't like doing laundry or dishes. But who does?! Too often my bedroom closet is overflowing with laundry that needs to be washed and my kitchen sink (although the dishwasher is, literally, RIGHT THERE) needs to be emptied. There's no reason that, when it comes to cleaning, I regress to the lazy 15 year old who's okay with living in chaos. 2nd lesson learned. 

Its hard to believe that I have been out of undergrad for six years! You would think that I'd start taking my career a little more seriously, huh? Yea...no. When I came to this realization (literally, days ago), it was a rough blow to the gut. I'm almost 30 years old and I've never been promoted in any position. The heck?! 

"Bosses don't do just enough. They go beyond what is expected of them," are the words I wrote in my notes app just days ago and have been echoing in the back of my mind everyday of this week. How can anyone expect to be handed a promotion or a raise based on doing JUST their job. In order to be a boss, you've got to start thinking like one. My mom told me this and it resonates in me now more than ever. 3rd lesson learned. 

Do I say all of this to say that I'm beating myself up? Nah. I'm definitely not beating myself up. I'm just accepting what is real and true about myself. That's the only way to change anything right? We'll never lose weight if we don't first accept the fact that we NEED to, right?  

Im glad that I'm experiencing these moments of introspection and gut punches (lol). Without them, I'd remain the same. I'd be in denial for the rest of my life and end up 45 living life like I'm 21. No Bueno.  

TGwBH 

Firenza Walker1 Comment