This is for all of the fat girls in the world who are stuck between loving and hating their fat bodies.
You're not alone.
TV will tell you that "plus size" is in when they throw a bulky sweater on a size 8 model. Every now and again we're blessed with a "real" plus size model who's really just a size 16 but still, no stomach, no back fat, no chub rub.
They give us spanx, waist trainers, tummy control, pills, teas, motivational memes on Instagram to tell us "hey you, fat girl, something is wrong with you - change it!" As if we woke up today completely unaware that we are fat.
If you're like me, you've experienced weight loss and weight gain. Most days you wake up and you're okay. You have a closet full of a wide range of sizes (most of which you can no longer fit). You spend about ten minutes in the morning debating whether or not you want to wear too-tight jeans or take the easy route and wear a dress. Most days, this is easy. Most days you feel great. You put your lippie on and get your day started.
But some days, it's hard.
You wake up and it's as if you didn't know you were fat. You wake up and look in the mirror and you're shocked and, dare I say it, disgusted with what you see. Some times you wonder what men see in you. Or if they'll ever see anything past the stomach and rolls and cellulite. You spend 30 minutes - sometimes an hour - sorting through your clothes searching for just one piece of clothing that's cute AND comfortable. You settle. You don't put any make up on and as you stand in the mirror brushing your teeth you hold back tears. Knowing that you promised yourself that you'd never get back to where you are now.
And somehow that day you're reminded, constantly, of your fat body. The seatbelt is a little extra tight. The skinny girl who sits across from you at work calls herself fat. You have the strongest craving for pizza and ice cream knowing you shouldn't indulge.
I get it.
And I wish this was an inspirational article that had this amazing conclusion that you can pin up on your desk at work.
But it's not.
I don't have the answers. I want us to love ourselves but some days - it's hard as hell. Some days we have to post a status about how much we love our fat bodies even though we don't. Some days we have to tell ourselves we're beautiful just to convince us that we are. Some days we have to choose not to look at the mirror. We get dressed and just walk out of the door.
So, I don't have a solution. I wish I did. I'd bottle it up and give it away for free.
If no one tells you today, fat girl, I will - you're beautiful. Even if you don't believe that yet. You are.